Happy Be Fine

Oh I’m not going to fix you… or any of you people. I’ve tried about a million times to fix you, but it was so wrong for me to want to save you because I only wanted to eat you to make me stronger, I only wanted to devour all of you, I was cancer- Oh but I do this for you. Don’t you see I do this for you? I have done this all for you. I pretend that I do not but I do. I eat you to save you. I drink you to make you new. I gorge myself on all of you, and I stand, dripping, with fists, with heaving shoulders- I will look stupid, I will crawl, drenched in blood and shit, I will- … There is nowhere I stop and you begin. I am exhausted… I am there. I was there. Don’t you know that I am connected to you? Don’t you know that I’m trying to pump blood to you, that this is for you, that I hate you people, so many of you motherfuckers- When you sleep I want you never to wake up, so many of you I want you to just fucking sleep it away… if you’re going to fucking sleep all day fuck you motherfuckers oh when you’re all sleeping so many sleeping I am somewhere on some stupid rickety scaffolding and I’m trying to get your stupid fucking attention I’ve been trying to show you this, just been trying to show you this- What the fuck does it take to show you motherfuckers, what does it fucking take what do you want how much do you want because I am willing and I’ll stand before you and I’ll raise my arms and give you my chest and throat and wait, and I’ve been so old for so long, for you, you motherfuckers, do it do it you fuckers finally, finally, finally.

Dave Eggers, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, p435-7

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